Government Official: No I cannot.
IR: Oh. Um. Why not?
GO: For starters, there are no wolves here.
IR: No wolves?
IR: But the park is full of wolves.
GO: Not at this time.
IR: Really? Why?
GO: We've asked them to leave the park for the duration of the federal election.
IR: Well, where did they all go?
GO: I don't know where they all are, but I think some of them are staying with cousins in Alaska.
IR: How did they get to Alaska?
GO: I think Greyhound had a 'travel with the pack' promotion. But don't quote me on that.
IR: So, no wolves means you don't have to answer any questions about them?
GO: If you want more information, you'll have to get a wolf to go on the record. Good luck with that.
[After a full weekend tromping through the Park, the Intrepid Reporter finds a pack feasting on a deer. She tentatively approaches one of them.]
IR: Um...excuse me?....Sir?
IR: Oh. Okay. So, can I ask you a few questions, Nigel?
Nigel: Can't talk. Eating.
IR: Well, it's just that...I'm surprised to find you here because the Parks official said you went to stay with cousins in Alaska...
Nigel looks up, an incredulous look in his eyes, and a snout reddened and spackled with entrails.
Nigel: Serioulsy? He said that?
IR: Yeah, that's what he said.
IR: Is there a problem?
Nigel: Yeah, there's a problem. I TOLD them I wasn't comfortable saying I would be going to Alaska. Anyone who knows me knows I wouldn't stay with my cousin.
IR: Why not?
Nigel: Sick puppy has a thing for little girls in red capes...
Nigel: Yeah. So I was pretty clear on this. I said “Ray, I'm not comfortable with that story. Cook something else up I'm comfortable with. But he said, 'Nigel, that story has already been approved. We got the full 'good to go' from SH.”
Nigel: Yeah. Well, I guess this bloody carcass isn't the only mess I'm going to have to deal with now. It's my turn to do the dishes...
(calling out to the pack)
Hey....hey! Goddmmit, Somebody get me Duffy's lawyer!