Canada's Immigration and Refugee Board (IRB) is not listed as an example in the dictionary under 'nuanced'. And maybe Canadians feel safer for having the IRB toss out people who make much better neighbours than the drunken louts who party till all hours on the weekend and puke up their Frosh Week activities in your flower bed. For example.

But Geez, you know, I wish they would take a slightly harder look, because it's becoming all too clear to me that Canada's refugee system really has no interest in adding upstanding citizens to the country who are precisely who we should promote. If Canada could send out a flyer to potential refugees with examples of who we desire, Jose Figueroa, living in Langley with his wife and three kids, would be the poster boy for the campaign.

By all accounts, a hard working, peaceful and committed family man with three children born in Canada during the 13-year process, Mr. Figueroa has been contributing to the famed Canadian mosaic while his case hobbled its way through the system. In May he was ordered to be deported. The order hinges on his membership in the student wing of the FMLN, a left-wing resistance group fighting against the brutal regime in El Salvador in the 1980's. The immigration board adjudicator, Otto Nupponen, took it upon himself to declare the FMLN a terrorist organization, even though no other government body, including the UN, has ever done so.

To read the 13-page transcript of the decision is to learn more about refugee board sausage-making than one would care to. In it, Member Nupponen, as he's referred to (not gonna go there) spends a lot of time going over the evidence that proves that Mr. Figueroa was a member of the FMLN, which he declared upon entry to Canada 13 years ago! 

But it wasn't until some intrepid keener at the Canada Border Services Agency, still sore, I imagine, for failing to receive his boy scout “stop the illegal alien” badge, flagged him as a security threat through his membership. Of a legitimate organization. That is now the government. “If the FMLN is a terrorist organization, then there are 7 million terrorists in El Salvador,” said Mr. Figueroa.

The adjudicator repeatedly acknowledges that the brutal death-squad regime in El Salvador at the time would not have been defeated without the strong action of this group. He points out, however, that government officials, particularly some mayors, (who, by some accounts, were supporters of the regime) were killed. In Afghanistan, it's called 'collateral damage,' and nobody misses their breakfast over it. Jose Figueroa, however, is being held personally responsible. The adjudicator cites a figure that states that 85 per cent of the violence was committed by government forces, and maybe 5 per cent by the FMLN.

But here's the really priceless part of the decision: After ordering the deportation, he says, in effect, you know, you really should talk to somebody, though, because you have a really strong case for being allowed to stay. Gee, thanks.

He acknowledges that Mr. Figueroa was only part of the student group advocating for “better political realities.” He goes on to point out: “What the people appear to have been trying to do was to stop a regime that ran death squads. There's some legitimacy, I would say, in trying to arrange matters so that death squads can be eliminated.” Monty Python couldn't have understated it better.

What seems to be going on here is that member Nupponen can say Hey, my only charge is to decide if Jose Figueroa was a member of a group that killed in a manner I deem as terrorist. As I said, there's no room for nuance at the IRB. To say the standard is low doesn't do it justice. A cockroach in a floppy balaclava couldn't limbo under that bar.

So now Mr. Figueroa's only recourse is to apply for an exemption directly from the Minister of Public Safety, Vic Toews. I can just see how it will go down. The Minister gets to say, “Heaven's no, I wouldn't dream of interfering in the independence of the IRB.” So the story ends with everybody gathered around the big basin of absolution washing their hands of responsibility. I wish they wouldn't scrub so hard. They end up washing away any decency as well. 

When we go to the movies it helps to suspend our disbelief. Why let a few holes in the plot, or the fact that the plot is basically "Pocohontas in Space," ruin our enjoyment?

But you know what? What's good for the movies isn't necessarily good for real life. One of these days, and I look forward to it, we're going to think about the fact that the torch relay began as Nazi propoganda; that cosmetic fixes to social problems come back after the cameras and the Swedish groupies have gone home, and the only price that matters is the opportunity cost of fewer dollars for the arts, education and civic infrastructure. Sure, we have a new line to the airport, and I bet it plays well in the Peoria that's in the tourists hearts, but I can think of at least six NEW routes in the city we could have used, and more frequent service on the ones we do have. But hey, who gives a shit about the people who actually live here? Other transit service has been cut to for the sake of the Canada Line. We should have called it the PPTL - the Peter to Paul transfer line. That leaves a lot of people still getting in their cars in this green wannabe city. So, thanks for nothin', Olympics.

It seems every city endures a fiasco in order to host the halfpipe and men-only ski jumping, which is particularly galling in the snow-white games. It's incredible how the leaders of host cities have a dip in intelligence when hypnotized by the trademarked rings - they're so precious.  At a recent unveiling of paintings of the murdered women of the poverty-stricken downtown eastide, Mayor Gregor Robertson, in an obviously unprepared speech, spoke of how the fate of those women are part of Vancouver's cultural identity, as if violence and misogyny defines us. It's not an identity, you idiot, it's a point of extreme shame that needs to be addressed.

So when the Olympics come to town, I choose not to suspend my disbelief. I'll have fun where appropriate to do so, but I acknowledge the Olympics for what the are: A privileged party for the few. Watching the IOC twist around with their shorts in a knot is entertainment enough - and if I do have fun, I worry if it of the proper IOC appoved variety. Sometimes it's easy to forget that there are even sports involved.

For my part, I'm getting my hands on whatever freebies are going around. Might as well because when the disbelief is gone, believe me, you'll wish you were back in the Matrix.

In the commentary on proroguing by Rex Murphy, the government apologist who's forced to do a lot of apologizing these days, the undertone was one coloured with amnesia. He wants to know what the fuss is about, suggesting that the only reason proroguing is an issue is because haters are using it as a vessel to direct their anger.

Well, sorry Rex, but you're wrong...again.

If it was just about government taking time off to 'recalibrate' (there was a time when I thought I knew what that word meant) then whatever, I could use some extra time to recalibrate myself (with or without lube).

But no. Many of us are so angry, we may forget where this all started, so let me remind you: Richard Colvin. His testimony regarding mistreatment of afghan detainees, and the subsequent parade of diplomats, current and former, who came to his defence after the appalling mistreatment by the Harper government, leaves the distinct impression the government has something to hide.
 
According to Rex “There’s not an adult in the country who doesn’t know why he [Harper} shut the shop down --- for partisan convenience.” It's a clever line – it implicitly acknowledges that mere convenience is not a good reason to shut down parliament, while also suggesting that the outrage is disproportionate - as if shutting down a committee doing investigative work is roughly as important as something something something on a bull (I forget how the line goes). He finds it amusing that there are suddenly so many defenders of the dignity of parliament, where there were none before. So let me edify Rex on how we feel regarding aforementioned dignity: There is none. Okay?

We're not pissed off at the spectacle and Cirque du Blase that is question period, which is what many think is the sum total of what goes on in Ottawa. When you shut down Parliament, you shut down all of it, committee work, investigative work, and input on minor things like disasters in Haiti.

No, Mr. Murphy, we're not mad at politicians taking extra time to work on their tans, because, believe me, the conservatives caucus could definitely use a bit of colour. We're pissed off because killing off a committee that Canadians felt was important is just one more act of dissing the detectives: Police complaints Commissioner, defanged; Military complaints commission, declawed; Nuclear Safety commissioner, fired.

And while we're on the subject, I just love the lame excuse that “Chretien prorogued parliament.” Which leads me to the question, what does that have to do with the price of tea in the Byward Market? The liberals paid the price for his arrogance, and they have a new leader. I'm happy to judge politicians on their own merits and not on their predecessors'. That's an advanced concept for Harper's communication staff, I know, but they'll learn.  

Here's my favourite Scandinavian poet, Piet Hein and his poem called “Hygiene: a short piece with no reference whatever to the two-party system."

To wear a shirt that's relatively clean,
you needn't ever launder off the dirt--
If you possess two shirts to choose between,
and always change into the cleaner shirt.

I'm not saying the red shirt isn't dirtyt. At this point, it's just cleaner.